Who Wants to Have Dinner at Crappito’s?

CrappitosYou want your restaurant name to stand out. We get it. We’re all for it. After all, there are 580,000 restaurants in America. There are 18,900 just in New York City’s five boroughs.

But we beg of you, restaurateurs, call attention to yourselves without ruining our appetite. Here are our nominees for the all-time most inappropriate restaurant names.

    • Crapitto’s Cuccina Italiana (Houston)
      It’s the owner’s last name. He’s Italian. Now you know.
    • Phat Phuc Noodle Bar (London)
      Okay, calm down. The words mean Happy Buddha and would properly be pronounced “Fet Fook” in Vietnam. Of course, we’re not in Vietnam, are we?
    • Dolores, But You Can Call Me Lolita (Miami)
      We’re guessing the owners are fans of Vladimir Nabokov. Literature aside, this name is way too long and has nothing whatsoever to do with food, drink, or dining. Rule of thumb: If you need to place a comma in your restaurant name, start over.
    • Big Booty Bread Company (New York City)
      Go shake that thing somewhere else.
    • Hairy Monk (New York City)
      Excuse me, waiter: What’s that in my soup?
    • Thai Me Up (New York City)
      Another rule of thumb: When the sexual innuendo overpowers the culinary message, you’re in trouble.
    • Gassy Jack’s (Cardiff, Wales)
      Pass the Beano, please.
    • Squat & Gobble Café & Crepery (San Francisco)
      You know it’s a classy joint because it’s a “crepery.”
  • The Dead Fish (Crockett, California)
    Apparently the chef’s grandmother was a popular cook back in Italy. She was so busy that if you asked what kind of fish she was cooking, she would usually reply: “A dead fish.”

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